Changes
by edana
Summary: Lucy begins to notice new things about Mr. Tumnus.
1. Noticing

Something's changed about Mr. Tumnus. Or, rather, something's changed about me, because I can't really see the change in him, I can just feel it, tingling inside me. It didn't come all at once, but sort of snuck up on me, creeped into me, and whispered into my ear. Now it screams.

And I remember the first time I realized it. We have tea nearly every week, always on Tuesdays, though sometimes I have to reschedule or even cancel, but only when doing so is absolutely unavoidable. When I was younger we had it in the palace because I loved being the hostess and playing princess- even though I was a _real_ queen. But after a few years, I wanted to be able to get away every once in a while and forget I was any kind of royalty, so we began having tea at his house, where we'd had it so many years ago.

I loved it there. It was so comfortable and familiar, and sometimes Mr. Tumnus would play the pipes for me as I sipped from my steaming cup. He always made fun of me for liking it with so much sugar. "You have me convinced you don't like the tea at all! I ought to just make us sugar water for now on." And he'd smile his warm, friendly smile as I laughed into my teacup. He never laughed out loud. The closest he ever came to it was a tight-lipped smile that looked as if it were trapping his chuckle inside, his eyes glittering all the while. I think a few times I was able to get a short, gasp-like laugh out of him, but nothing more. He was always so quiet.

Every Tuesday he would come to the palace and escort me to his home. I told him that this was entirely unnecessary and that I could make the journey on my own quite well, but he insisted that he accompany me. So he would take me, always on horseback because the walk was much too far, and we would never take talking horses because we liked to be alone. Sometimes we would talk about the weather or my brothers and sister or how we'd been since we'd seen each other last, but mostly we'd just go in silence. I think you know you're really comfortable with someone when you can say nothing at all and just be with him. Once we arrived, he would always help me off my horse, and he knew I needed no help, but he simply could not stop being gentlemanly. And he'd always open the front door for me, letting me inside before he even placed a hoof through the threshold.

This is when it happened. Once, instead of standing by and allowing me to talk through, he guided me in with his hand, ever so slightly brushing his fingertips against the small of my back. It sent a thrill up my spine, across my arms and down the back of my legs, and I went weak in the knees for a fraction of a second. I felt myself go red in the face as he followed me in, shutting the door behind him. I was so embarrassed that that small, brief contact had given me such electrifying feelings, but he didn't seem to notice. He simply smiled at me gorgeously- yes, it was gorgeous now- as he always did, seeming almost shy even thought we'd known each other for so long.

Then tea went on as normal. But after that day I noticed much more about Mr. Tumnus. I noticed things about his body, like the way his arms looked in the spring sunshine, his upper arms smooth and taunt and the forearms rugged and hairy. I noticed the way his shoulders looked in the wintertime with his favorite red scarf draped over them, accentuating his slight muscular tone. I remember once, when he was reaching on top of a shelf to get something- a book, I think, on water creatures- and my eyes landed on his torso, all stretched out and tight, and my breath hitched, and I prayed that he hadn't heard. And his fur, all brown on the legs but turning blonde as it trails across his stomach. Oh, how I long to run my fingers across that stomach, combing them throughhis fur. Once, when we were sitting beside one another in front of the fireplace, my hand reached out of it's own accord to do exactly that, but I was able to stop it just in time and pretended to straighten my dress instead.

I feel like he touches me more now, but that may just be because I notice it every single time. Had he always brushed my hair out of my face, and placed his hand on my shoulder when saying goodbye, and rubbed his thumb across the back of my fingers after helping me off my horse just before letting go? Or do I simply notice now because such things send heat coursing through my veins?


	2. Culmination

I originally wanted this to be in a separate entry from the previous chapter because I liked that one so much as a standalone that I couldn't bear the thought of marring it with another chapter, which is why it was marked "complete." But posting two parts of the same story is against the rules for some reason and I've already got two strikes against me and I'm not sure how many chances we get. So, presenting the second and final chapter of "Changes."

Disclaimer: Hopefully you'll all recognize the line Mr. Tumnus recites from Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet. _If you don't, then you just don't exist.

* * *

We were sitting in front of the fireplace on the brown feather comforter I would drag out every once in a while so we could get comfortable after having tea on my hard, wooden chairs. I enjoyed having Lucy around for a little longer every week, although we didn't speak much. I was sitting facing the fire, propped up by my elbows, and she was lying on her side to my right, facing me with her head resting in her hand. I glanced at her every now and then, and she looked so sweet, her little round cheek cupped by her elegant hand. _Oh,_ I thought, recalling a piece of poetry I'd heard Susan recite, _if I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek._ Her skin and hair blazed red in the firelight, the flames dancing in the pools of her eyes. She sighed, and so did I, shutting my eyes. 

After a moment, I felt something land on my leg, and I opened my eyes. When I saw that it was her hand, my heart skipped a beat as I felt a jolt rush through the flesh beneath her touch. She seemed to notice where her hand had landed just after I had, because she did a slight double take, glanced up at me with a small, close-lipped smile, and began to pick at my fur. She combed it with her nails with relaxed, distracted movements, attempting to straighten my unruly hair, however impossible that task might have been. And, no matter how chaste this unconscious fidgeting may have been, it drove me wild. I watched her torture and tease me for the what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes, knowing my mouth hung open slightly but making no effort to close it.

Finally, I knew I had to stop her unintentional tormenting or else I would do something rash, so I placed my hand on hers. Thankfully, regretfully, she ceased.

She looked up at me with wide, innocently provocative eyes as I held her hand still for just a moment longer. Then I sat up, taking her hand with me so that she would do the same. We were now facing each other, her slender legs tucked under her and I on my haunches, and I began massaging the heel of her palm with my thumb.

"Does that feel good?" I asked, my voice cracking a bit, and I hoped she'd contribute it to the long silence from which we'd just emerged.

"Mm hm," she replied, eyelashes fluttering. She stared at our hands as I moved up her soft palm, now working around her knuckles.

What was I doing? I'd been so indecent lately. Ever since I'd noticed that Lucy had become so..._adult_. I tried to keep to myself, I really did, but I'd convinced myself that brushing her faintly now and again wouldn't do any harm, holding on to her hand a little longer than I used to when she was just a little girl. But it had done harm. Quite a bit, actually. Instead of alleviating some of my desire, which is what I had intended (or so I tell myself), touching her simply drove my feelings to even greater heights. Now she had trapped me, and she was not even aware of any change that had taken place.

I had reached her fingers, but my firm massage had somehow softened to a gentle caress. She seemed to tremble under my touch. Suddenly, her free hand grabbed mine tightly and she made a sound almost like a gasp, her brow furrowed. I nearly asked her what was wrong, but instead clasped both her hands in mine, attempting to calm her. She only sat there, eyes closed, head bowed, nibbling on her lip. Nibbling on her lip...

I needed a distraction.

"I love your ears," I told her, trying to sound whimsical but it came out too deep, and a little raspy. I cleared my throat and reached up to touch the little things on the sides of her head. As my fingertips glided across her skin her eyes flew open and I went a little cold, dreading I'd done something wrong. But she closed her eyes again, slowly, and leaned into my palm.

_...that I might touch that cheek,_ I repeated in my mind as her warm face rested in my hand.

"Why?" she asked in a low voice that made my chest feel heavy.

It took me a moment to recall what she was referring to. "Oh, I don't know," I told her, allowing a small smile to sneak across my face. "I just think they're...interesting." They were much more than interesting. "They...they're like an elf's ears, but..." I stroked the top of her ear with my thumb, and I would have sworn I felt her shudder, "...they're round."

She looked up at me with a smile that seemed somehow both happy and sad. "What about yours?" she said in an unnaturally bright tone. "They're so..." and she reached up to touch my ear, but just as her index finger brushed across the delicate fuzz, giving me a thrill of pleasure, her smile faltered, and all of a sudden her face was buried in my shoulder, which would have caused me immense delight had I not felt her tears running across my skin, down my chest.

"Lucy," I said in shock, tentatively wrapping my arms around her. "What on earth's the-"

"I can't stand it anymore!" came her muffled cry from my chest, cutting me off.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to hide my absolute panic. I'd gone cold again. Had she found me out? Could she tell that I had feelings for her that I shouldn't be having? Oh, I could not bear the humiliation of it if she knew! I was beginning to feel nauseous...

Then she looked up at me with huge, tear-filled eyes, and all of my selfish fear vanished into heartache. I swifty reached up and grabbed her handkerchief off the table and began to tenderly dry her cheeks, and she seemed to almost wince when I touched her- not a grimace, like she was sick at the thought of it, but a wince.

"What's the matter?" I asked her, as gently as I could manage.

She stared at me with the most hopeless expression I'd seen in my life. "Can't you tell?"

I shook my head in response, though I could have made several guesses I dared not speak.

She placed her hand delicately on my cheek, opened her mouth to speak, hesitated for a moment, but then said, "I..." She then broke into a new round of tears and once again buried her face in my chest.

"Lucy," I said, holding her a bit tighter. "What is wrong?"

After a moment, she sniffed and muttered something. Something that sounded remarkably like the words "I love you." My heart froze.

"What?" I asked in a whisper. For some reason I was terrified.

"I love you!" she cried, shoving herself off of me and hiding her face in her hands. "I can't help myself." She sounded defeated and tragic, and my heart started up again, pounding faster than ever, a million miles a minute, but I stayed still, staring in disbelief at Lucy.

She didn't look at me, but after a moment she gathered her emotions and stood, heading towards the door.

"Lucy," I said, having difficulty finding my voice.

"I'm just going to leave," she replied, voice shaking.

I stood and was after her, and just as she opened the door to a mere crack my hand was on it, slamming it closed again. She turned around, wide-eyed in shock, and I looked down at her for a moment, my hand still on the door. I tried to speak. I felt my mouth open and close once or twice, but no words came. Finally, I gave up speaking and slid my shaking hands around her neck so they cradled her head, and she gasped a little at my touch. I leaned in a bit, but hesitated for a moment. I was so nervous I thought I might faint, but her warm, heavy breath on my face felt _so_ good. I closed the gap between us and kissed her gently on the mouth. She went tense, but she relaxed and her lips softened, meshing with mine. I felt her hands slide across my back as she pulled closer to me, and our kiss deepened. Her taste and scent were absolutely intoxicating. If only this moment could last forever...

But it didn't, Lucy pulling away sooner than I would have liked. Her head was against my chest yet again, tears dripping on my skin.

She laughed a breathy laugh and said in a voice that let me know she was smiling although I couldn't see her face, "Ah, why do I always cry?"

I smiled and let a hand rest in her hair, the other finding a place near the small of her back. I kissed her temple and finally managed to whisper into her hair, "I love you, too," in a voice so low that I don't think she heard me, but she knew what I'd said anyway because she held me tighter. And we stood there for an eternity, my tears mingling with hers.


End file.
